The crow among the rats
A little time with you is all that I get
That's all we need because it's all we can take
-- Daft Punk, Instant Crush
He couldn’t look at Ryan’s face anymore; what he’d said was far too upsetting. Theodore had never wanted to admit it, because Ryan was his brother, and for the longest time, he thought that meant unconditional love. That they cared about each other no matter what. It might still be true, but in a much different way than he’d imagined.
Deep inside, he’d always known how Ryan felt about him, what he’d been saying and how Theodore’s relationship with their mother made him feel. He wondered what he could’ve done to mitigate any of it, or maybe even change Ryan’s mind altogether, but he’d been far too young to read the room at the time. He’d failed to see the bitterness in his brother’s eyes every time he made a mess that, ultimately, Ryan would have to clean. It was Ryan who’d looked after him when their mother was indisposed, who’d changed his diapers and fed him, who’d only done what he did to get their mother’s attention. Theodore didn’t blame him; Carolyn had been very distant. If she believed Ryan’s innocence, the memories of the hospital might’ve been different.
That year, as Theodore blew the candles on his birthday cake, he wished for things to change, a different future than the way things had been going so far. Every morning, he woke up with a pit in the bottom of his stomach. There was an incredible sickness within him, undiagnosed, that he couldn’t cure with over-the-counter medication. It was something he’d never felt before, as if someone had severed the ties between him and the rest of the world. He was surrounded by people who loved him, yet didn’t have anyone to talk to.
Ever since casting doubt on Ryan, he’d started doing the same with his parents, his mother—what if she didn’t even like him? What if she never had? The only relief winter break brought was the option to meet up with the girls at Nadia’s and vent his frustrations.
The fact that he never saw Ryan anymore was great, and to preserve that, he’d begun closing his bedroom door. If his brother happened to arrive home in the middle of the night, Theodore no longer knew about it. He wondered when Ryan would just pack up and leave. He should’ve graduated six months ago, but nothing in his routine had really changed for a good few years now, and since their parents didn’t talk about him, Theodore had no way to confirm graduation had even happened.
Actually, he did, but the thought alone was both terrifying and exhilarating, the end of routine as he knew it. He shouldn’t. The moment he made contact with the tunnels, he knew his life would never be the same. Part of him wanted to do it anyway—fuck high school, fuck the future; just let the tunnels engulf him and take it from there—but an equally powerful part was too terrified to do it. High school was almost over; there was only one semester left to go, then he could start building a future for himself entirely above ground.
His father wanted him to major in business and follow in his footsteps, an accounting manager with a nice office downtown, but Theodore wasn’t so sure about that. For as well as he did in most school subjects, none of them really caught his attention, and to be completely honest, he didn’t know what managers did. He wasn’t even curious enough to look it up online. The only things he’d been doing these days were playing the guitar and meeting with the girls. He’d never written so many songs before.
The last semester of classes was the most stressful few months of his entire life. While he’d always studied hard, this was the first time he struggled to keep all the balls in the air. He thought about what Laith had said on the camping trip, the good and bad performances, when he remembered all his lines and when he tripped on his own feet. He thought of himself as a jester, juggling multiple balls. If the smartest guy in class failed a test, was there any hope for the others or had Theodore simply fallen from grace? The thought alone was stressful enough to keep him locked in his room studying through the night. Even the girls stopped meeting up as often, only relaxing on the weekends, when they didn’t have exams the following week.
Two months from graduation, he wondered just how worthwhile any of this was. If he threw every single one of his textbooks out the window and failed every upcoming exam, would it even matter? For as upsetting as the thought was, part of him felt liberated. To break the shackles and refuse to conform, to become completely unpredictable. Was that why Ryan acted out? Laith had said that their world view about these things was very similar, so maybe pulling the rug from under others and bouncing between disguises was Ryan’s way of keeping things interesting.
Theodore eventually climbed down the stairs to find a handful of boxes piled up by the front door. A quick inspection showed a plethora of Ryan’s belongings in them—an answer to his urgent callings? He hadn’t heard any noise coming from his brother’s room this morning, so maybe he’d packed up the night before. If that was truly the case, then it’d be the only good news Theodore had heard all year long.
His mother confirmed his suspicions with bitterness in her voice. Her distaste for Ryan’s life choices wouldn’t keep Theodore from celebrating them anyway, except this time, it was self-indulgent. With a disgusted look on her face, Carolyn told him Ryan would be staying at some run-down two-room apartment with a friend of his, downtown where the air was too thick to breathe and windows had to be sound-proofed to let him sleep. Theodore wondered if that friend was Laith, and just as the thought crossed his mind, the doorbell rang. The sound only seemed to irritate her further, a delicate scowl on her forehead. She turned around to keep from dealing with that, so Theodore reassured her he’d get it. Just as he left the kitchen, however, he saw that his father had beat him to it.
Without noticing him, Henry stepped out onto the porch and swiftly closed the door, making it impossible to see who’d rung the doorbell. Theodore squinted, tiptoeing to the door. Henry’s angry voice bled through the wood. He wasn’t shouting, making it difficult for anyone to hear him, but his angry whisper was familiar. It jolted Theodore’s heart and a quick thought hit him, that Ryan was the one behind the door, except it wouldn’t make any sense for him to ring the doorbell. It must be someone else at the receiving end of Henry’s anger. Standing behind the door, Theodore was able to make out some of what he said.
Don’t ever show your face around here again, do you understand? This is a serious violation of privacy; my family lives here. I don’t care what you have to tell me or why Burman sent you; don’t ever approach me above ground. What the fuck is wrong with you? Get out!
The doorknob rattled, sending Theodore to the living room to hide. Who was that? The front door swung open with his father’s return, closed right after, not a moment’s opportunity for him to glance outside. How did he know Burman? If it was even the same Burman and Theodore’s ears hadn’t failed him.
Henry promptly left for the kitchen, unaware of his son’s presence in the next room. Theodore pulled back the curtain and peeked out the window. The sight of Justin’s truck parked by the curb sent his heart flying, but even more curious was Laith walking away from the house, so fast that he practically ran. Had he been the one on the porch? Without thinking, Theodore left the living room, put his mask on, and walked out.
A light jog allowed him to catch up to Laith, a terrible apprehension closing around his throat. Laith had a cigarette plucked between his lips and a hand on the lighter, thumb erratically trying to flick it on. The lack of color on his face erased any greeting from Theodore’s tongue. Laith saw him, of course; green eyes glanced at him very briefly before returning to the lighter. Frustration shook his hands until the flame finally came on. Theodore followed him all the way down the street and around the corner. It was only then that Laith stopped walking. One long exhale spewed smoke into the air.
“I should’ve known,” Laith started, head shaking in disbelief. Their eyes met for the next part. “You look just like him.”
“How did you meet?”
“You’re not gonna believe me.” Laith almost scoffed. “He works for Burman.”
“He’s an accounting manager.” Theodore’s voice sounded distant, as if he listened to himself talk from five feet up in the air. “He works in an office downtown.”
“That office—it doesn’t matter; we call him the Crow. Very few people have ever seen him. He never comes down, and when he does, he goes straight to Burman’s office.” Laith exhaled again, long and dark, cigarette over halfway done with. “This is gonna fuck me. How is Ryan his son?”
“He’s not. Um, my dad adopted him, but Ryan dyes his hair and tans on purpose, so they’ll look different. I guess it works well enough.”
Laith shook his head, eyebrows pinched hard together.
“How’s the, uh…” Everything about this was so confusing that Theodore wasn’t even sure how to put his questions together. “How does that work?”
“What?”
“I mean, Ryan’s been to the DP; he must’ve seen dad down there.”
“No, I told you; the Crow doesn’t mingle with the rest of us, he only talks to Burman in person. He stays in her office the entire time.”
“But the others know her too.”
“She comes to the club; that’s where they met her. They don’t work with her, though. They don’t go into her office.”
Theodore scowled, head tilting sideways. “But you do.”
A long trail of smoke left Laith’s lips, eyes down at the cigarette in his hand. “Yeah, I do.” Laith swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing in his neck. “He’s gonna kill me.”
Theodore’s heart raced. “You don’t mean that, do you?”
“Not like that, but it’s bad. It’ll get back to me much sooner than later.”
“Are you gonna be okay?”
Laith shrugged, cherry burning bright. The uncertainty of that answer held a breath in Theodore’s throat. The worry that ate him up inside must’ve shown on his face too, because Laith felt compelled to reassure him. A calmer look fell over his features for that, completely fake.
“It’ll be fine, Theo; I’m just overreacting. I always am; that’s what I do. Part of the act, part of the show; the curtains open and I’m emoting on stage. The line between acting and candor is so blurry I need glasses to see it. Actually, I’m not even sure it’s ever been there at all.” A flick and the cigarette went flying into the street, no traffic at this time of day. “Don’t look for me for the next few weeks. I know you haven’t, and probably never will, but if you even think about it, just wait a while. I can’t get in trouble right now.”
“Does Henry know about me?”
“His name’s Henry?” Laith’s tone was incredulous. “No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t even know I’m friends with Ryan.”
“Maybe you should cut him off.”
Laith stared at him.
“He sounds like a liability.” Theodore shrugged with something wicked running down his veins. “If you need to lay low, I don’t think being around him would help.”
Green eyes studied him through a very subtle squint. A hand pulled Laith’s mask over his mouth. “I take it you and Ryan haven’t made up yet.”
“No, we haven’t. There are too many things going on in my life right now; things that are way more important than that. I don’t have time to think about him and he hasn’t reached out either.”
“What things?”
“Graduation.”
Dark eyebrows bounced. “Oh, shit, really? Congrats, Theo; that’s a huge deal. I’m happy for you, man.”
“Is it? Everyone graduates high school.”
“Almost everyone, but even if that was true, why should it diminish your accomplishments? It’s still a milestone you should be proud of.”
Theodore moved his head a bit, considering it. “Sure, I guess. Thanks, anyway.”
Taking two steps back, Laith briefly peeked around the corner.
“Listen,” Laith started, lower than before. “I know you won’t say anything, but it doesn’t hurt to double check—don’t bring up the tunnels around your dad, alright? I’m saying this for your own good. If he suspects anything, he can find out what you know, and if he does…” The air between them was heavy, stare perfectly held. “I don’t know what would happen. It’s better that way.”
“Visit me when it’s safe.” His voice was so desperate that pleading would be too much. “I need to know you’re okay.”
“I’ll do you one better. Give me your phone.”
With his heart in his throat, Theodore did as told, watching the reflection of the screen on Laith’s eyes. When he was done, he passed the phone back with an address saved in the notes app.
“That’s Ryan’s new place. You can find us there, if you need to.”
“Are you his roommate?” Theodore asked.
“No, Emily is, but we’re always around. You know how it is.”
Looking at his phone, Theodore scowled. “This address is right next to campus. Did he ever graduate?”
“Yeah, last year. Didn’t he tell you?”
The look he gave Laith was enough to answer such an asinine question.
“Right, sorry. Uh, yeah, he’s working at a store nearby, some graphic design place on campus. Emily’s taking some classes to perfect her tattoo artistry, so it all worked out for them.”
“What about you?”
Laith cocked his head, so Theodore elaborated on the question.
“Are you still working at the record store?”
Green eyes glanced off for a moment, held over his shoulder. Laith’s jaw moved, mouth hidden under the mask. “I actually quit earlier this year.” Laith’s hands slipped into his pockets, shoulders tense. “Haven’t been there in a minute. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone, ‘cause they still don’t know.”
“Why didn’t you tell them?”
A squint was directed far behind him, probably part of a half-hidden grimace. “It’s complicated. We’ll see.”
“Everything’s complicated with you.”
Their eyes met.
“I guess so.” Laith’s tone was impossible to read, stale. “Good luck with school, by the way; I’m sure you’ll do fine. If you show up at Ryan’s place in a month or so, I’ll probably be around. We can catch up then.”
He nodded. “Be careful.”
“I always am.” Laith’s eyes grinned.
At this point, the warmth that came with Laith’s presence was so familiar that Theodore could inhabit it like a house, a ray of sunlight on the skin, a kiss on the forehead. Did he really have to go? The thought sank his heart to the bottom of his chest. Their encounters were always so fleeting.
Laith took a step back. If Theodore reached forward, he could grab him; he could take his wrist and pull him close. The thought set his blood on fire, heating up his cheeks. What was that? Paralyzed, he watched Laith round the corner and leave.
The moment was gone.
***
Dinner that night was awkward, to say the least. It was very common for them to have guests over, so the possibility that Henry would bring up what had happened earlier was zero to none. Looking at him, all Theodore could think of was that he worked for Burman. It begged the question of how he could work underground when his coworkers were all tall and handsome, wearing expensive suits, nothing like rats at all.
Henry’s friends spoke of the monthly close and how important it was, using financial jargon that Theodore didn’t understand. This language was so detailed and intricate that faking a conversation like this just to cover up what these guys really did for a living seemed preposterous. Sounding convincing was one thing, but this seemed to be about actual goings on at the office, with comments like if we don’t balance those accounts, the auditors will have our heads followed by very serious looks and nods. The more they talked, the more Theodore didn’t think they had come from the tunnels at all. Was this an expert disguise, or was Laith simply wrong about Henry? Considering the way Henry had spoken to him on the porch, it was hard to believe they didn’t know each other. It was all such a perfect front that Theodore wasn’t sure what to think.
As soon as the men left, Carolyn brought up Ryan, the first time in a very long time. His name in her mouth immediately quickened Theodore’s pulse, but she was only curious to know what they’d do with the spare bedroom. She wanted to turn it into a small studio, or maybe an office, but her husband had a different idea.
“Well,” Henry started, barely suppressing a smile, “I’ve actually been considering a new place to move into for a while now. I wasn’t sure when to bring it up, but now seems like the perfect time. Theodore’s going off to college in only a few months, after all; soon it’ll be just the two of us.”
Wait, was Theodore moving out too? Ryan had lived with his parents throughout his entire college education; Theodore thought he’d be the same case.
Carolyn’s eyebrows bounced with curiosity, lips curled into a non-smile. “Are we finding a place for Theodore?”
“I’ve been talking to some of our neighbors. If all our kids get into the local university, we could split the cost of a small apartment and let them walk to campus. It’s a possibility.” Henry looked at Theodore next. “What do you think, big man? Wouldn’t you like to live with Daisy and the other girls?”
Theodore blinked, unsure what to say. “Uh, yeah.”
That put a smile on his father’s face. “We want you to feel independent,” Henry continued. “We couldn’t give Ryan too many opportunities, and we can all see what that did to him, but you’ll be different. You’ll have your own place and your freedom too, as long as you keep in touch with us and get a job at some point. It doesn’t have to be straight away, but I won’t be paying for that apartment all four years.”
“That’s such a wonderful idea.” His mother’s voice was soft, entirely genuine. “You should’ve told me sooner.”
“It’s only a project so far; we still have to wait for the acceptance letters.”
***
The more Theodore thought about having his own place, a home without supervision and no one to answer to, the more it sounded like heaven, actually. No more asking to leave the house, no explaining where he wanted to go, no judgmental stares from other parents, no excuses, no guests, no more talks about girlfriends over dinner. He’d be able to leave and stay out for as long as he wanted, exploring town, talking to strangers. That was the first real argument that made him want to go to college, even if he’d be majoring in business after all—that part didn’t matter. He’d have another four years to figure out what to do with his life and start putting it together, all the while living with his friends in a space of their own. The sheer number of slumber parties they’d have was enough to make him want to skip forward in time and not have to deal with anything in between, like prom.
It snuck up on him. Ever since the girls had caught wind of the whole apartment thing, they’d been cramming to boost their report cards as much as possible before sending off applications. It was only one university that mattered, so their applications had to be impressive, and working extensively on that, they’d almost missed prom. Jessie was the one who reminded them, asking what color they’d be wearing so her dress wouldn’t be too similar.
With less than three days to look for a suit, the best Theodore could do was a white button-up shirt that he already had, his nicest pair of pants, Ryan’s forgotten suit jacket found in the back of his closet, and one of his father’s ties. From a distance, he was sure he looked just like everybody else, but up close, it was easy to tell that the jacket was one size too big for him, and that if he opened it, they’d see how long the tie was. Still, not too bad for zero dollars spent and a time limit.
The only one properly excited for prom was Jessie. Her dress looked beautiful, aqua blue and tight-fitting. Her hair and makeup were done at an actual salon, dark curls brushed over one shoulder, blue sparkles on her eyelids, the same color of her eyes. Her enthusiasm erased any college-related worries from her mind and kept her entirely focused on the night ahead.
Since no one had a date, they’d all agreed to go together. While the girls got ready to leave, Jessie pulled Theodore aside and asked if he didn’t want to go with her. The invitation was nice, but doing that minutes away from the party didn’t sit right with him. She explained that it was really just for the pictures; her family wanted to have some of her with a boy in her arm, so maybe they could sneak out and get one together, just the two of them. At the end of the day, it’d still be a group event. Her logic was sound, and for as much as Theodore didn’t care for prom, he knew his mother would love those kinds of pictures too, so they shook on it.
Jessie wasn’t the only one who looked nice; all the girls did. Hannah wore a really pretty yellow dress with orange tones that complemented the warmth of her dark skin. Her hair had been kept short for a good few years now, curly tonight. Nadia’s dress was probably the most detailed of them all, paying homage to her Indian heritage with a very intricate top. Her hair was in a French braid, her favorite, with a delicate headdress on top. Daisy, on the other hand, had the simplest dress of them all; strapless and open-backed. They all looked stunning, and standing near them in a borrowed suit jacket, Theodore felt like a clown.
The theme this year was galaxies and outer space, which encouraged everyone to wear bright colors and a lot of glitter, so the girls did just that, dabbing each other in the car, sparkling by the time they arrived. They dabbed Theodore’s eyelids and poured some glitter on his hair too.
The gym had been covered with glow in the dark stars and black wallpaper, so attention would be drawn to the Styrofoam planets that hung from the ceiling, lit up by blue spotlights. As promised, the group took a few pictures together, and as the girls moved on, Jessie held Theodore back by the arm. They quickly took their pictures, getting a nice comment from the photographer, that they made a handsome couple. Theodore felt his face burn, glad that the picture had already been taken. Giggling, Jessie pulled him further into the gym.
They danced a lot, more than they’d ever done at any of Nadia’s slumber parties, completely sober this time around. It was a fun night. Loud music reverberated across Theodore’s chest, lyrics shouted over the crowd. The girls sang all the songs they knew, no matter how badly. Glitter and rhinestones sparkled as they moved, a mesmerizing swirl of dress folds and shiny hair that made the night incredibly magical. They only stopped dancing when slower songs came on.
Sitting on the bleachers with small sandwiches in hand, they scrutinized the couples dancing close to each other, surprised that Donovan had actually brought a girl as his date, someone they didn’t know. Hannah wasn’t fazed by that and took the opportunity to go into detail about their hookup. They’d been talking for a while, mostly about martial arts. Donovan had been unsure whether to sign up for taekwondo, too self-conscious about his height and just how small he was in general, which quickly led to flirting, all on his initiative. He complimented Hannah’s physique a lot, enamored by her muscles, attracted to her height. She’d always been a big girl, and ever since taking up an exercise routine at her dad’s gym, she’d started growing muscle.
The two of them had stayed in touch for a while, sharing tips about gyms and how to begin training, until eventually hooking up at Hannah’s place. Donovan wasn’t gay, he just liked girls to be in charge, which was the main reason why their hookup had only happened once. He’d been her first, and at the time, she’d had no experience to be able to lead the night. He’d said it was nice, despite the disappointment on his face. That explained his new girlfriend, who definitely didn’t go to Hannah’s gym, or she’d remember her.
As the night progressed, the girls grew tired of hopping back and forth between the dance floor and the bleachers. Nadia wanted to do something different, something fun to celebrate their successful escape from high school away from the ones who’d overlooked it. Jessie suggested that they got drunk with some of the older boys who’d been coming in and out of the gym to speak to Scott and his friends. She knew they were drunk from the way they acted; feet stumbling, body swaying from side to side. They must’ve been drinking outside. It didn’t seem like a smart idea, but Theodore went with them anyway, heart beating ice cold in his chest.
The older guys were obviously rats. Theodore didn’t recognize them, but the way they dressed and the tattoos on their bodies were enough indications. A voice inside his head screamed for him to take the girls’ arms and abort the plan, but a much more prominent part of him wanted to get to know these people. Unlike his first instinct, this one wasn’t a voice, just a feeling, temptation that pulled him into the shadows.
It wasn’t super easy to see them in the dark, but two had darker hair; one in a delicate-looking mohawk brushed all the way over his forehead and the other just a mess of spikes, as if someone had ruffled his hair a thousand times over. They were a group of four. The other two rats had dyed hair, bright colors indistinguishable in the dark; the girl had very long and puffy waves with one of the sides of her head shaved, while the guy had curls on top of his head, full and thick. They all dressed exactly like Laith, with the ripped jeans and the leather boots, pins on their jackets, black shirts underneath. Theodore wondered if they knew him.
Jessie was the one who approached them first, asking where they’d gotten those beers and if they minded getting her some—she’d pay them. Her approach halted their conversation and put a strange look on their faces, probably not used to people like her talking to them very often, or at all.
The girl with the sidecut was the only one with her mask down, holding a cigarette between her fingers, smoke blowing as she spoke. “The closest gas station is two blocks down.” Her voice was low but intrinsically feminine, dark lipstick leaving an imprint around the butt of her cigarette, fingernails painted black.
“We’re eighteen,” Jessie explained, no fear in her voice. “We’ll walk with you, it’s no big deal; we just want to have some fun tonight.”
One of the girl’s eyebrows rose. “What kind of fun are you looking for?” Her piercing glinted in the moonlight, hugging the center of her bottom lip.
Jessie glanced back at her friends with a half-shrug on her shoulders.
“I don’t know, just getting drunk and being stupid,” Nadia concluded.
The rats all shared a quick glance.
“You know, we’re actually here for Scott,” the boy with the wild hair explained. “It’s his graduation, so when he’s done, we’ll bounce to a party nearby. You can come too, if you want.”
The invitation widened Theodore’s eyes—would Laith be there? There was a chance. He didn’t know if these guys were in the Alvorada, but asking would just get him in trouble; he’d have to see it for himself. If they were, chances of Laith being there were high. Probably also with Ryan, but that didn’t matter; it paled in comparison.
“Yeah, that’d be awesome!” Theodore blurted out.
The girls still seemed a bit unsure, but his enthusiasm slowly helped them acclimate to the idea. One by one, they nodded their agreement with excited little smiles tugging on their lips.
“How do you know Scott?” Nadia asked.
“He’s my brother,” the same guy confessed. His voice was a lot like Scott’s, actually. He probably looked like him too, but it was difficult to tell.
“Wait.” Nadia scowled. “Dylan?”
Dylan’s eyes doubled as his friends snickered. “Do you know Scott?” he asked incredulously.
“We’ve taken some classes together, but never really talked,” Nadia explained. “He’s too popular for us.”
“Scottie is popular?” The girl smirked around her cigarette, delighted with this new information.
“Uh, yeah!” the girls answered, so matter-of-factly that they almost sounded annoyed.
After that, they mingled pretty easily, ice broken. The girls exposed Scott’s secret side and how many friends he had, popular because of his looks; athletic but not in any sports teams, smart but still humble about it, funny but only with his friends. Every word that left their mouths rocked the rats’ worlds, surprised laughter erupting every now and then. To them, Scott was a dork who made nerdy jokes and played video games too much, only going out with his friends to hit the gym and play even more games. That description was worlds apart from the person Scott projected to be in high school, detached from most of his peers, only really focused on his large group of friends, which, as it turned out, wasn’t so large after all. He might talk to many people, but the only ones he actually hung out with were just a handful, and his brother could name them all.
Dylan and Scott were only two years apart, and growing up together, had ended up sharing many of the same interests. That made it easy to connect with each other’s friends and have a good time. It wasn’t clear whether Scott was also a rat, but no one dared mention it, in case the topic ruined their nice time. The fact they were all so friendly came as a shock to most of the girls, who’d only expected a few beers from the gas station, overly priced to cover the tip.
Scott’s double life put a smirk on his brother’s face. It was different from how Ryan did it though, no malice, just genuine surprise. Delight, even. Theodore found it very curious.
When Scott came out, the group greeted him very warmly, with loud congratulations and tight hugs. It was mind-boggling to see, because Theodore thought Ryan’s friends were the nicest rats out there, but that was clearly not true. It seemed that, every time he met more of them, they surprised him in different ways, the polar opposite of what he thought they’d be like. When he’d first met Ryan’s friends and they’d made fun of the way he looked, that was what he’d expected out of every rat, not this wholesome friendship that made his heart ache. If he and Ryan were closer in age, would they have been better friends?
The party they’d mentioned wasn’t very far away, only a few blocks into the heart of town, still in a residential area. They heard the music before they saw the house, littered with people in the front yard, drinking and laughing with wild abandon. Theodore’s eyes jumped from face to face looking for Laith, or any of his friends. No such luck.
People crammed into the living room where food was set on a table and music blasted the loudest. It was impossible to hear what anyone said, but they didn’t stay long; the tour guides were only passing through.
Out the back door, beer kegs were set on the porch, a fire pit was lit in the middle of the yard and a pool stretched around it. For obvious reasons, the majority of the crowd hung out here, filling up their cups and dancing around the fire. Unfortunately, none of them were who Theodore had been looking for. It begged the question whether this was the Alvorada at all.
Some of the girls made a big deal about how bad beer tasted, but drank it anyway and mingled with the crowd. Nadia was the only one who stayed by Theodore’s side and hung out with Dylan and the others, though he was pretty sure it was just because of Scott. The fact that she got to talk to him was blowing her mind, but she didn’t let it show, sipping on beer without making a face every time.
The group talked of what they’d learned about Scott and teased him for it, but in a nice way, nothing like how Ryan did it. For one, it didn’t seem mean and Scott didn’t look uncomfortable. He looked like he was enjoying it even, grinning through the warmth in his cheeks. They didn’t grill him for too long; soon enough, the topic changed to what Theodore had been expecting this entire time: people he didn’t know and places he hadn’t been to, except these guys actually took the time to explain to him and Nadia who those people were, why they were relevant to the story, and the significance of the places mentioned. Theodore didn’t feel lost for a single second. Why wasn’t Dylan his older brother and these his friends? The only one he’d miss was Laith.
As the night progressed, he learned everyone’s names and how’d they met. The girl was Valerie, or V, with blue hair and blue eyes, bright against her pale skin. She was best friends with both Dylan and the boy that also had his hair dyed, pink as it turned out, a burnt shade. It looked nice and warm on his dark skin, big eyes black. His name was Marquis. The two of them and Dylan had met in high school. The last guy, on the other hand—Hwan, with the delicate Mohawk—had met them at a party. His name was actually Tae-hwan, but they just called him Hwan for some reason. He and V were the tallest ones, but while she was slim, he was stocky, with hair as dark as his eyes and skin as dark as Marquis’.
The ratio of information that the group was willing to share about high school was significantly higher than anything about the aforementioned party, which led Theodore to believe it must’ve happened underground. They all looked the part; it would’ve been weird for them not to have made any meaningful connections down there.
It bore noticing that their friendship pretty much debunked what Carolyn had said all those years ago, that high school friends didn’t last. If these guys were still friends, then Theodore could still be friends with the girls in the future, especially while living together. He didn’t feel very attached to any of them, but then, he didn’t feel very attached to anyone, not even his mother. Not anymore. It’d been a long time coming, he supposed, but the fact that she didn’t seem to miss him in the kitchen and never asked him to help still burned a hole in his chest.
Everywhere he looked, it seemed that people were making friends and sharing unique experiences while he watched from the sidelines, isolated from it all. That had been the case his entire life. Why couldn’t he connect with anyone? He knew so many people; how had no one cracked the surface? How didn’t he have a best friend? It felt like the people in his life only circulated around it, unable to get too close or form an inner circle. He’d been closest with his mother, but she still didn’t know who he was at the core; she didn’t understand him at all. The girls had opened up to him and trusted him with their true selves, but he hadn’t managed to do the same in return. Was he broken? The feelings he had for men, the fascination he harbored towards the tunnels; he’d never been able to tell anyone about them. Even the dark that followed him, watching his every step, seemed only understood by Laith, the one person unafraid to be his true self.
Finishing his nth cup of beer, Theodore wondered how Laith was doing and when it’d be safe to see him again.
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