Reconciliation
He would never talk but he was not shy
She was a street smart girl but she could not lie
They were perfect for each other
-- The Strokes, Razorblade
As the two week mark approached, Laith become the only thing he could think about, obsessed with whether he’d come over or not. The course of their night together had changed so much as it’d unfolded that he wasn’t sure of anything at this point. Plans had been made way before he’d ruined everything, so if Laith had absolutely no inclination to come see him again, he understood that. The thought cut through him like a knife, but still he’d respect the man’s choice.
They’d agreed to meet near his building, and although a time hadn’t been picked, it was fair to assume Laith would be coming over around the same time as before, if at all. That was earlier than he’d been waking up these days, but he could make an effort. Both Hannah and Jessie were just about to leave when he got to the living room, surprised to see him up in time for the jog. Unfortunately, he had to tell them he wouldn’t be participating, just taking the elevator together. That put a squint on their faces, but if suspicion struck them at all, they didn’t mention it.
The moment they left the lobby, his eyes scanned the sidewalk all the way across the garden, looking for a familiar face and a foot on the wall. So far, nothing. As they approached the gate, the better he could see that Laith wasn’t here yet. Parting from the girls, he locked the gate with a click, heart sinking. There was still time, and anyway, they’d never set anything in stone; Laith could show up at any moment. Theodore had a very strong feeling that he would; Laith seemed to always remember this kind of stuff and took his promises very seriously.
Across the street, his back met with the wall and his hand fished his phone out, but the blood in his veins raced too quickly to take his mind away, especially when he’d obsessed over this for so long. His phone was right there, but he just couldn’t distract himself; his eyes searched the street, double checking, triple checking, just to make sure he hadn’t missed anything or anyone.
The sun eventually went down; long shadows slowly disappeared and street lights flickered on. At half past eight, the sun was completely gone. A light breeze swept some of the heat away, thick clouds roaming the skies; it was impossible to see the stars in this part of town. Traffic grew heavier as people clocked out and went home; Theodore could hear the interstate from here, his own street not all that busy regardless of what time it was.
The girls came back from their jog just before nine, but thankfully didn’t stop to chat or ask him why he still hung around; they just waved at him on the way in. Assuming they’d be going out soon, it made sense that instead of stopping to chat him up, they’d go up to shower and change. Good; he was in no mood to explain anything right now, or ever, really.
Laith rounded the corner at the end of the block, hands in his pockets, perfectly casual. The somersault Theodore’s heart performed was so Herculean that it punched him through the ribs, breath gushing into his lungs. So his intuition had been right, after all.
Laith’s pants were rolled down to his ankles today, but Theodore could still tell they were the same type of joggers as last time, black and gray instead of camo. Black Vans were on his feet again, tall enough to cover his ankles. Not that it mattered, but what had happened to the studded jean jackets and the ripped up pants? Were they more of a winter look?
The dog tags glinted as Laith approached, a tight t-shirt stretched across his chest, no hickeys on his neck at all. He stopped right in front of Theodore, towering over him, as usual. When their eyes met over their masks, Theodore had to swallow his heart back down.
“I didn’t think you’d come.”
That was a bold-faced lie, but it was still the best conversation starter he could come up with, palms sweating at his sides.
“I said I would. Honestly, I didn’t think you’d remember.”
God, Laith’s voice was so relieving to hear that he could faint, but only this tone, casual and laid-back, not the one he’d used before leaving last time. That could be repressed with the rest of that night, or the latter half of it.
Theodore parted his lips to apologize, but Laith beat him to it. “Listen, the way I acted was way out of line. I shouldn’t have gotten pissy the way I did, throwing a hissy fit like you owed me something. I’m happy we hung out and that I got to see your place; that was pretty cool, so thanks for putting up with me. I promise I’ll do better.”
“It was my fault,” Theodore blurted out. “I riled you up and couldn’t handle it. I was just having fun with you; I don’t know. I didn’t think it’d get so real.”
“No, I know. I took it too far, I made it weird, and I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t, though. I pushed you—I kept pushing you, and fooling around, and just working you up. I ignored what you said and gave you hickeys anyway. I ignored everything you said the whole time, actually.”
“Yeah, thanks for that, but whatever. It still doesn’t justify how I acted.”
“I’m sorry for being a jerk and ruining the whole evening.”
“Okay, it’s fine. We’re cool.” The irritation in Laith’s voice was palpable. Did that annoy him or make him uncomfortable? Either way, his tone was harsh enough to shut Theodore’s mouth, done with the apologies.
What came next, then?
Laith cleared his throat. “So what we are doing tonight?”
Theodore’s eyebrows rose. Well, that was what he wanted to know. Was he supposed to have something planned? He wasn’t even sure Laith would be coming over at all. A breath, deep in his lungs, held him together for a moment. Think, buy some time.
“You know, it depends how long you can stay.”
Laith shrugged, hands still in his pockets. “That’s up to you.”
His throat closed. “No, I’m serious. When are you meeting the others?”
“I’m making time for you, dude. I’ll stick around as long as you want.”
He stopped breathing, face tingling with fire. Was this for real? “You can’t say that and then have Ryan calling you the whole time.”
“He won’t; I told them I’m busy.”
Holy shit.
“Okay.” Fuck. “What are you missing, though? Is it another drag show?”
“It’s nothing important; I won’t bitch about it. I’ll be good tonight.”
Theodore nodded. His composure didn’t waver at all, despite the adrenaline that washed over him and the wild number of possibilities that gathered at his fingertips. His hands on Laith’s body, up his shirt, down his pants—no. This time, he’d be responsible and not do anything he wouldn’t be able to handle. Maybe they could actually watch a movie and just talk for a while, no funny business. A kiss maybe, but just one. His face burned at the mere thought of it, Laith’s face right there, six inches away. They could make out the whole night through.
“Do you feel like chilling upstairs or going somewhere? Like to a bar or a club or something?” Theodore asked.
“Aren’t the girls home? We could hang out somewhere until they leave.”
Damn, how did he remember that? Impressive.
“Okay, sounds good.” His tone was perfectly even, spoken through the knot that squeezed his throat as if it wasn’t even there. “There’s a pretty nice-looking bar a couple of blocks from here. I don’t know if you’ve been there, but I think it’s one of those half-lounge, half-club sort of places where you can sit down and have a drink, or hit the dance floor if you feel like it.”
Laith squinted. “Are you talking about the hotel?”
Well, now that he’d mentioned it, it was connected to a hotel. The lobby probably opened to it, which was why Theodore could never figure out where the entrance was.
“Yeah, I think it’s called Red Sky or something. I’ve never been, but it looks nice.”
“That shit’s expensive as hell, bro. I hope you’re loaded.”
Oh, so he was paying again. Sure, yeah, of course; that made sense. It was a rerun of last time, a second chance, except he’d do it right.
“I’m not; I just wanted to suggest somewhere first, because I know we’ll end up going wherever you decide. You know all the best places, anyway.”
“I mean, a fancy hotel just isn’t what I usually do, but I don’t mind; we can go. Like I said, I don’t know much around here; I usually hang around your brother’s apartment.”
“We could go to the same bar as last time.”
“I’ll come to the hotel, if you want.”
“No, it’s fine; I want to see that bar again. I have a plan.”
He did not have a plan, but replaying the time before would make it easier for him to fix everything he’d done wrong.
With a compliant nod, Laith turned to walk with him.
***
The bar was just as full as he’d remembered it, with a crowd of people gathered near the counter and another crowd at the bottom of the wall-sized frame. The designs seemed to change every day, all the time; the ones on top were already wildly different from what he’d seen two weeks ago.
He handed Laith a twenty at the counter and let him choose whatever he wanted; five beers and some change. They walked back to the same booth as last time, unoccupied by the people that sat around it, laughing and drinking with their friends. At almost nine, was this still considered happy hour? When his father went out drinking with his coworkers, he only got home after ten, so yeah, probably. Although, at this point, if Laith said that Henry had never actually gone out for drinks after work and had instead gone down to speak with Burman, Theodore wouldn’t be surprised. Everything he thought he knew had been put up for debate.
“Can you give me Emily’s number?” That question left him absently. He’d had it in the back of his mind for a while now.
“Why?” Laith sipped on his drink, eyeing him suspiciously.
“I just have something I’d like to tell her. We spoke at the camping trip while you were asleep and I never got back to her.”
“What did you talk about?”
Theodore shrugged, bottle up to his own lips. That was intended to be his whole answer, a nothing answer, a gesture to showcase the death of the topic because there was nothing he actually wanted to share about it, but Laith just waited patiently until he was done. Dammit.
“I don’t know; we talked about stuff. She asked me a question that I never answered.”
“She’s probably forgotten about it by now.”
“Well, I’d like to figure that out for myself, so can you give me her number or not?”
“Sounds like you’re trying to pick her up.”
“I’m literally taking you out right now.”
Laith laughed, a low rumble in his stomach.
“I can’t reach her any other way, dude. Just do me this solid,” Theodore continued, fully transparent.
“I don’t know, man; change my mind. Was the question about me?”
Ah, shit. His heart fell heavy against his ribs, but still he kept his composure, a porcelain nonchalance on his face. “Maybe. We talked about a lot of stuff while you slept in, and you slept in for a long time.”
“So she asked you what you were doing in my tent.”
Fuck.
“No duh. She saw me crawl out of there and freaked out. Thought I’d sucked you off or something.”
Laith scoffed, a good-humored grin on his face.
Suddenly, a thought crossed Theodore’s mind, one that he had to voice even if it’d ruin the pleasant atmosphere. “Hey, um.” His pulse faltered, a lot more serious now. “They don’t know about, uh…” That sentence died right on his tongue.
Laith’s eyes met his own. “No, they don’t.” Beer bottle up, pressed against Laith’s lips.
Theodore exhaled. “Alright, she didn’t ask me anything; she said I could talk to her if I needed to, and I do,” he explained.
Laith brought the bottle back down, eyes on it, watching the way light glossed over the glass. “If it’s about me, you should just tell me.”
“Why does everything have to be about you?” Theodore snapped.
Laith kept his eyes down. “I doesn’t have to, but when people go to her like that, it usually is.”
“Do you really think I’m stupid enough to do that?” He was just stupid enough to do that. “Wouldn’t it be way obvious?”
Laith shrugged, bottle up for another sip. Theodore took the opportunity to do the same.
“Yeah, it is obvious, but also, I might just be stupid enough not to catch you.”
That put a wide grin on his face. A different thought hit him now, full on the back of the head, like a baseball bat. “Do you feel like…” That question flew out of his mouth before he could think about it, trailing off halfway through as he realized just how dumb it was.
Holding the stare, Laith raised his eyebrows, waiting for him to finish. When he didn’t, Laith spoke. “Like what?”
Like we were made for each other?
“You know.”
Time for a drastic change of topic. Laith had done it way too much last time; now it was his turn.
“On the way back from the camping trip, Emily told me a lot about you, but nothing she said seemed right. The picture she painted of you is nothing like what you really are.”
“What did she say?” Laith’s tone was curious, lips flirting with a smile.
“She said you’re wild and crazy. That you need other people to keep you grounded.”
“And?”
“And that’s not you at all! The only crazy thing you ever did was jump into that lake and swim straight down, but I asked you to do it, so it wasn’t even technically your fault.”
“If that’s not me, then who do you think I am?”
Okay, that was definitely bait, but he’d take it anyway; beer burned the pit of his stomach, empty since he’d gotten up. “I just don’t think you’re crazy like that. Maybe you like doing a bunch of weird shit with Ryan and I guess being haunted is crazy to her, but if I call you crazy, then I’ll be calling myself crazy too. I think you’re just doing what you have to.”
Laith leaned back in his seat. The movement stretched his arm over the table, beer bottle practically empty in his hand. “You’re right; I am trying to impress you, I just never noticed.”
Theodore choked on his own tongue. “What? Why? I thought I was staff to you.”
“You’re not; you’re a private performance in the back room with all of my best material. It’s…” A hand moved to gesticulate Laith’s point, bracelet glinting under the light. “Kinship.”
“Kinship means you can drop the act and just be candid.”
“Oh, does it? Then why don’t you try it?”
Touché.
“All I’m saying is you don’t need to pretend we’re not inside a giant mouth right now, because I see it too, and I know the first wrong move will slide us down its throat.”
“The mouth is always there, it’s not new; we both know that. We don’t need to keep bringing it up like it’s a circus attraction. We were raised inside it; it’s our home. The clowns can’t even see it anymore.”
“Aren’t you afraid we’ll fall in?”
“We won’t. I’m keeping you on it as much as you’re keeping me on it. That’s why we’re here, isn’t it?”
“You pushed me in once—did you know that? You lost your arm.”
“You know that wasn’t me.”
“And you know that’s not why we’re here. Kinship has nothing to do with how I feel about you. Maybe it did once, when I was inside your tent, but it morphed into something different a long time ago.”
“A long time ago, or two weeks ago?”
They held the stare.
“I know you went through it too,” Theodore continued, extremely confident for no particular reason. The beer didn’t even cross his mind. “You feel the same way I do. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here.”
“Of course I do.”
The confirmation sent his heart flying all the way up his throat.
“Did you just want to hear me say it?” Laith teased.
“I’m just trying to make sure we’re on the same page here.”
A grin cut through Laith’s face. The new bottle in his hand left a wet trail behind as it crossed the table. “You know it’s fine to say you did, right?”
“Fine, I did. So what?”
Laith covered a good-humored scoff with the bottle.
“Don’t be a dick,” Theodore murmured, his own bottle coming up for a sip.
“I’ll make it up to you.”
That comment sent an electric wave down his spine, brain already working through what it could mean; Laith’s mouth on his own, hands on his body, maybe between his legs. He absently glanced at Laith’s crotch, but couldn’t make anything out, not even an outline; the way he sat made it impossible to tell. A brief memory came to mind though, his hands on Laith’s stomach, touching the bird tattoo there.
“You said we’d have dinner last time, but we didn’t, so I’ll make you something,” Laith continued, watching him glance up to meet his eyes again.
That wasn’t what he’d expected, but he’d take it anyway, stomach growling, beer easily rushing into his bloodstream. This was the only alcohol he’d have before eating; it was a promise.
“Can you make cocktails?” he asked.
“A few, yeah; depends what you have at your place. Vodka, rum or gin?”
“We don’t have anything actually, but uh—we could stop by the store on the way back; I’ll let you choose what to take.”
“Why do you sound like a sugar daddy?”
“Because I am one.”
Laith laughed.
“I want nachos for dinner, by the way,” Theodore told him.
“Alright; we’ll get queso and chips at the store. I’ll even make you some guacamole.”
“Perfect.”
***
When they left the bar, Laith wasn’t nearly as drunk as he’d been last time, probably because he’d only had four beers instead of seven, while Theodore had usurped the last one for himself. Alcohol on an empty stomach, despite how little, still made him a little tipsy, the nice kind that turned the breeze outside into a gentle brush over his cheeks and put a surge of optimism in his chest. He hadn’t felt this way in a really long time. Hopefully, it’d stick around for a while.
The only person he’d ever been grocery shopping with was his mother, but following Laith down the aisles felt so domestic that he found it strangely nice. Familiar, even if they’d never done this before. The slight sway on Laith’s feet, the delicate way his eyebrows pinched together as he inspected the avocados, how carefully he picked them up and put them down again; it was so endearing. Everything about him was so endearing that the realization hit Theodore like a freight train, running him over between the lemons and the oranges. He had no idea what that was about, but his heart leapt, and fluttered, and spun around like it was on crack. Watching Laith, six foot something, big and tattooed treat an avocado with this much care, he decided he wanted to have him. Not just for tonight, but after that too. For much longer after that.
With a basket full of nacho ingredients, they proceeded down to the liquor section. A quick study of some of the price tags told him rum and vodka varied wildly. They had the widest gap in price, ranging anywhere from much cheaper than he thought to a lot more than he could spend on a single bottle. He didn’t have any money left on him, only the change from before, but using his card at a store near his apartment wouldn’t be suspicious to his father, so he wasn’t worried. They just had to keep it realistic, nothing too expensive.
There were three bottles added to the basket, which Laith carried—vodka, syrup, and something called vermouth. He had no idea what that was, but Laith didn’t choose an expensive one, so he let him take it. Sixty dollars was enough for a handful of different drinks and a few servings of nachos. Every time he thought about that, his stomach screamed.
It was an extremely weird experience to have Laith show his ID at the checkout counter, but then step out of the way for Theodore to pay. The person behind the counter gave him a very pointed look when he did that, but what could they say? For all they knew, Laith would be the only one drinking those three bottles; Theodore was just tagging along to pay for it all.
Comments