Tying up loose ends
I don't take advice from fools
Never listening to you
-- The Strokes, Bad Decisions
The following week felt both unique yet more of the same. Classes were a little more enjoyable now that he got to go home and tell Laith about them, but the monotony was still there. He’d never be too interested. The one thing that was out of the ordinary this week didn’t even happen to him at all, but to Laith—his account of that Monday. When he’d gotten to Burman’s office after his shift, both of Theodore’s parents had been there, waiting for him. Carolyn had spoken to him the most; she’d taken his hand and asked him about himself, his interests, what brought him joy, how he felt about Theodore. He’d answered honestly, even if his response had been hand-picked. The innumerous parties he went to throughout the week had been left out; he’d only told her about the ones over the weekend. Other than that, she pretty much knew everything about him. Theodore was surprised. Was that the whole reason she’d gone down, to get to know him? Yeah, apparently.
The fact his mother got to hold Laith’s hand when she’d first met him was… upsetting. She’d skipped a thousand steps ahead when it’d taken Theodore years to get here. Now, she was even ahead of him. When it came to Laith, it seemed everyone was ahead of him; the girls had his number, Carolyn had held his hand—what did Theodore get? Laith still slept in his bed fully clothed.
His parents were a lot more invested in this relationship than he thought they’d be. They called him almost every day that week, asking about it; if Laith had visited and what they’d done together, how it’d been. It got to the point where he could just tell them the truth, that Laith had come over, made him some dinner and helped him with homework. They didn’t have to know absolutely everything; if they wanted to, they would just ask about his sex life. All his mother wanted to know, time and time again, were details of Laith’s personality; his interests, how he was as a person, what he did in his free time. In her mind, rats were rudimental and savage, so finding out that Laith was extremely emotionally intelligent short-circuited her brain. He felt love and affection? He cared for Theodore? The concept was mind-boggling. She barely believed it. Henry, on the other hand, didn’t say much about it. He talked to Laith more; every time they met up in Burman’s office, he asked how Theodore had been doing. He could simply ask Theodore himself, but for some reason, he preferred to let Carolyn have the phone when she called. Then again, Theodore never called him either.
Laith didn’t let him go down all week. The tunnels were still far too obsessed with him; it’d be smarter to wait for them to calm down first, maybe even forget he existed. That was upsetting on multiple fronts. While it was nice to hang out in his apartment, he preferred Laith’s; not only could they be loud there, they could also do scenes and play with the toys Laith had. Even if Laith were to bring them over, Theodore was far too scared that the girls would walk in on them. That wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have—ever, with anyone. Not to mention he missed Ms. Intervention and D’angela very much. Laith’s place—and Blaze, by association—felt a lot more like home than his own apartment ever had.
Every time Hwan texted him that week, something negative stirred inside him. All he could think of was the party and how Hwan had sat next to his boyfriend all night. When he asked, Hwan explained it was very common for members of different factions to bring their associates to meetings like the one in Theodore’s apartment. Still, he hadn’t wanted Marquis to come—that part, he didn’t say. On the one hand, of course Hwan would bring his boyfriend along; Marquis would’ve had to be insane to let him go alone. If Theodore knew Laith had plans to meet up with Ryan, he’d also want to come with. It was just so upsetting that Hwan had so much to offer—that Hwan cared so much about him—but would never choose him first. Couldn’t he and Marquis just have an open relationship? If Theodore could have both Hwan and Laith—if they were able to work out their differences and both be with him—life would be perfect.
He went down on Friday, despite Laith’s warning. While he didn’t care about fame, saying that he wasn’t even the tiniest bit curious about it would be lying—how much did people care? Just like it’d happened to Laith before, heads turned as soon as Theodore reached Cantaloupe and continued to watch him all the way to Laith’s place. He’d expected this, even if the intensity was a little baffling. The crowd hadn’t watched Laith this openly, but eyes locked with Theodore’s unashamedly and stared. They weren’t afraid of him; they had no reason to be. Someone even sneaked a picture of him on the subway. When he noticed that, he sidled up to the paparazzi and asked that they at least capture him in a flattering angle. The person was so shocked that they didn’t say anything for a whole minute, as if the mere thought of Theodore speaking to them was inconceivable. Either way, they ended up taking a selfie together.
Just as Theodore was about to walk into Laith’s building, he ran into someone doing the same thing—a guy, tall like he’d never seen before, broad-shouldered and absolutely massive. He apologized, and glancing up at the man, felt his eyes widen. Did Laith know a Greek god lived in his building? His hair was light brown and long, tied up into a bun; he had a tan and a thick, full beard, delicately trimmed. Blue eyes watched Theodore under a hard scowl, much darker than his father’s, the kind of blue he’d only find at the bottom of the ocean. He took a step back, out of the man’s personal space. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized again. “I should’ve looked where I was going.”
“No, please—oh, where are my manners? It’s my fault.” The scowl quickly dissipated as the man spoke, voice nice and deep, much more polite than Theodore would’ve imagined. The man shook his head, hand waiving in the air. “I was so caught up in my own thoughts I forgot the world around me.”
Suddenly, his heart jumped. “That happens to me too, so I get it.”
A brief smile tugged at the man’s lips. “You’re Blue, aren’t you?”
“Uh… yeah.”
It was so weird to think people just knew about him, that he could run into some handsome man on the street and get recognized. This felt like the beginning of one of those romcoms Laith hated.
A thumb jerked back, pointing at a nondescript location behind the man’s back. “Can I get you a drink? I’d love to talk to you for a minute.”
His face began to burn. “I’m in a relationship.”
“Yes, of course. I’m not trying to be disrespectful. I actually know Laith. Maybe we could talk about him?”
Oh, really? The usage of Laith’s first name, instead of the nickname people used around here, brought credibility to this guy’s claim. Who was he and how did he know Laith? More importantly, why had Laith never talked about him? Intrigued, Theodore agreed. A nice smile softened some of the man’s features, and turning, he led Theodore to a bar just down the passageway. They didn’t even bother sitting down; the guy just got them both drinks at the counter and hung out near the door. If Theodore poked his head out, he’d be able to see Laith’s building down the way. A sip of beer cooled his throat.
“Laith and I go way back,” the man explained. “We met when he first came down. I used to know his brother; we worked together for a while.”
“Oh, then you must know Hwan.”
“Tae-hwan? Yeah, of course; he and Qasim were together at the time. We haven’t spoken since he passed, though.”
If that was true, then this guy must be another ghost from Laith’s past which he didn’t want in his present life. It’d explain why he’d never talked about him. How unlucky was it that they lived in the same building?
“I actually ran into Laith last week,” the man continued. “Did he tell you about that?”
Huh.
“Yeah,” he lied. Not so much to seem like a know-it-all as much as saying the opposite would make their relationship look bad. He didn’t want people to think they kept things from each other.
This time, the smile that formed on the man’s face seemed unfriendly somehow. It was difficult to pinpoint why, though. “He must’ve learned how to lie from you. That’s the problem I have right now, that he lied to me. We talked about you—do you know what he said?”
His eyebrows quirked. The more this guy talked, the weirder the atmosphere became. Something about him was off, almost threateningly so. He didn’t seem so trustworthy anymore.
Theodore’s silence prompted the man to continue.
“He said you worked for Punjab, but that’s not true at all, is it? You don’t even live here. So why would he lie about that? I have no business with Punjab at all; whether you work for him or not wouldn’t make a difference. The only thing I can think of is that, if you did work for him, that would make you untouchable.” The smile faltered. “He’s afraid I’ll get close to you—like this.”
Oh. Suddenly, it all clicked in his mind. “You must be Ben.”
The way the Serpent’s lips curled at that could only be described as devilish. “So he has told you about me.”
“Yeah, he has. He tells me everything.” He brought the mug up for a sip. The Serpent’s eyebrows raised with interest; he clearly wanted Theodore to go on and inflate his ego, tell him about himself, all the horrible things he’d done in the past. Instead, Theodore simply smiled. “You’re right; I don’t work for Punjab. No one can put a price on me.”
“Are you sure?” The Serpent gestured around them. “Haven’t I just brought you here and bought you a beer?”
“Oh, Ben. If you think you can buy me with a beer, you must be really stupid. This isn’t even a date; I’m just having a beer on you. Truth is,” he continued, before the Serpent could speak, “I fucking despise you. I truly wish someone would do us all a favor and make you see the end of a barrel. I actually can’t believe I’m talking to you right now; I never thought I’d get the chance to tell you, in person, that you’ve ruined my life. It’s significantly worse because of you—did you know that?”
“It sounds like you’re blaming me for your boyfriend’s shortcomings.”
He grinned. “He has no shortcomings. If you weren’t a huge fucking idiot, you’d know that, but here we are.”
“You have quite a mouth on you.”
A big swig finished off the rest of his beer. Ignoring that comment, he set the empty mug on the windowsill by the door.
“Do you know what I do with boys like that?” the Serpent asked.
Their eyes met again. Despite the threat in his tone and the choice of his words, Theodore felt absolutely nothing inside.
“I don’t give a single flying shit,” he replied. Then, suddenly, as the question occurred to him, it left his mouth right after. “Did I just catch you on the way to his place?”
“Yes. He lied to me, remember? There’s punishment for that.”
“No. No, there isn’t. If you have any gripes or qualms with him, you talk to me, because here’s the thing, Ben—you’re never speaking to him again. You’re never seeing his face again, and if you so much as think about going to him, or god forbid, run into him again, I hope you know I’ll fucking end you. You work for Burman, don’t you? How irreplaceable do you think you are?”
The Serpent’s face grew grave.
“How much do you think she cares about you?” Theodore continued. “How much are you worth keeping around?”
“Who are you?”
“Oh—have you never met the Crow?”
Brown eyebrows furrowed. “How do you know about him?”
“Ben.” He touched the Serpent’s arm. “You don’t wanna know who I am. The only thing you need to know is that, if you value your career, you won’t give me any reason to end it.” His hand squeezed once before letting go. “Thanks for the beer.” When he turned to leave, the Serpent spoke up again.
“He definitely has a type. I don’t see how you and I are any different.”
“Hm.” He touched his chin with a hand, making a show of pretending to think really hard about it. “Yeah, you’d have to at least have a single IQ point to see that.”
***
Luckily, he caught Laith only a few feet from his apartment, on the way out. Even though he was really annoyed that Theodore hadn’t followed his advice and remained on the surface for the rest of the week, the part of him that enjoyed Theodore’s company was only buried two layers beneath the surface. It didn’t take him a full hour to get into a good mood again. He was definitely not the kind who forgave and forgot, as evidenced by all the times Theodore had fucked up and made him angry for days at a time, but this wasn’t one of his worst offenses. If anything, it was harmless; they just hung out in his room all night. They could always go to Streisand’s or some other house party on the surface with Justin and the girls, but Theodore wanted to be down here tonight, together, like this. He’d missed it way too much. Getting drunk with Laith was always a good time, anyway; Laith was the life of the party, after all. No wonder he had so many friends who wanted to hang out over the weekend.
The Serpent’s name eventually came into conversation. He thought about it all night, what the best way of bringing him up was, and ended up settling for the last time Laith had seen him. As expected, Laith’s mood immediately soured; his shoulders grew tense, eyes downcast. He confessed to have run into the Serpent last Friday and that they’d talked about Theodore. The Serpent was jealous, apparently. Nothing about Punjab came up, which Theodore took to mean the Serpent had lied to him, that Laith hadn’t said anything about him being one of the Hollywood boys. If anything, the Serpent must’ve come to that conclusion himself—and then blamed it on Laith. Wasn’t that what he always did? What a fucking asshole. Theodore actually called him that, putting a small smile on Laith’s face. Since Laith’s mood was already in the gutter, he decided to bring up Hwan next, just to get that out of the way too.
“Why can’t you just let him go? We’ve already made up,” Laith protested.
“No, you haven’t. He was a lot more willing to do it than you were, but you didn’t let it happen.”
Laith turned his face away as Theodore talked, rolling his eyes in the process. He sat on the floor with his back against the side of the bed, head propped up on the edge of the mattress.
“You wear his jacket like you’re friends now, but you still don’t want anything to do with him,” Theodore continued. “Why? He wants to be your friend again.”
“No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t care about me.”
“I think he does. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have come over last weekend.”
“He only did that to make himself feel better. It was for his own benefit, not mine. He hasn’t cared about me in years.”
“How would you know that?”
Laith shook his head. “I’m not hanging out with him, if that’s what you wanna hear. I won’t be part of your fucked up utopia.”
“Oh my god, it’s not a utopia; I just want you guys to be friends again!”
Green eyes fell on his face half-lidded and bored, already done with this conversation before it’d even properly begun. “Okay.” Laith’s voice was quiet, suddenly stern. “If you can get him to tell you exactly how he feels about me, I’ll judge whether to give him a second chance or not. How’s that?”
Theodore’s heart fluttered. “That’s perfect! I’ll call him right now.”
“And ruin his night? You know he’s with his boyfriend, right?”
“I don’t care,” he spoke while taking his phone out. If anything, Hwan’s response—his level of investment in this call—would be a good indicator of where he stood when it came to Theodore. Would he reject the call and party with his boyfriend or step away and answer? How sincere would he be and how much would he think his reply through? With no hesitation, Theodore pressed the call button and immediately put it on speaker.
Hwan picked up only a couple of rings later. “Hey, Theo.” Pop music echoed faintly in the distance—he’d stepped away for his. “What’s up?”
“Hey. So, I’ve been wondering something. It’s kind of an awkward question.” His eyes remained on Laith’s face the entire time he talked.
“Is it about last weekend?”
“Yeah, but it’s not what you think. I’ve just been thinking about it and… I guess I don’t know how you feel about Laith anymore. Do you like him now?”
Music played for a moment, muffled. “Yeah. Um.” He could picture Hwan’s eyebrows pinched together, lips pursed. “I do like him, I just—it’s just weird to… like him again. Familiar, actually, like how things used to be.”
“Do you care about him?”
“I’ve always cared about him.”
Laith rolled his eyes.
“He’s always been family to me,” Hwan continued. “You don’t have to like them to care about them, you know. It’s kind of like that.”
“You’re so full of shit,” Laith suddenly added. “We haven’t been family in years. You’ve never even cared about me!”
“… Hey.” Hwan’s voice softened. “I’ve always cared about you. I loved you; you know that. You were my very best friend. You were my first kiss!”
Wait, what?
“Yet somehow, none of that was relevant when I came down the first time, was it?” Laith rebutted. “You let me walk away with him. You knew who he was and you let me walk away with him.”
Door hinges creaked, and for a moment, the music grew louder. Once the door closed, it muffled the music and chatter once again.
“You gave up on me,” Laith mumbled.
“No, I didn’t. I never gave up on you, I just—I was so angry at you. You have to understand it never occurred to me to take care of you because I was so fucking pissed. You took the only thing I had, so… I let him take you away from me. I wanted you gone. I’m sorry.”
Laith kept his face turned aside, but Theodore was still able to see how his eyes shone, glassy behind a wall of unshed tears. His legs were bent at the knees, arms slung over them. A half-empty glass of whiskey hung from his hand.
“How can I make it up to you?” Hwan asked. “You gave me his jacket—what can I do for you?”
“Never fucking speak to me again. I preferred it when you wouldn’t look at me; that was better.”
“Laith.” Hwan’s voice was so small that the rhythmic booming from outside almost swallowed it. “Let me make this right.”
Laith shot Theodore a look. “I’m done speaking to him.”
“Laith,” Hwan called again. “Please.”
“I think you should come over,” Theodore suggested. “This isn’t a conversation you should have over the phone.”
Laith hesitated. While he clearly didn’t want Hwan here, he also struggled to say anything about it. His lips parted, but ultimately, nothing came out. All he actually did was finish the rest of his whiskey in a single shot.
“We’re at Laith’s place,” Theodore clarified.
“Okay. I’ll be there in ten.”
How did Hwan know Laith’s address? Just as the question crossed his mind, he realized it might come with Laith’s popularity. He doubted Laith had told his ex about it either, yet everyone seemed to know it already, except Ryan and Emily. That was probably because they didn’t live down here. It explained why Justin knew it too.
He put his phone away. Sitting across from Laith, he watched him pour himself another glass of Jack, all to avoid eye contact. He sipped on it the way he always did, far too much every time, and when the glass came back down, he couldn’t avoid it any longer. Their eyes met for a brief moment; Laith looked away as soon as it happened. A hand twirled the contents of his drink around. Theodore had never seen him so obviously anxious before.
“Do you want me to cancel it?” he asked. “I’ll call him right now and tell him it’s not a good time.”
Laith stared into his drink. “You’re not gonna stop. You want us to be friends again, so you’ll do everything to make it happen. I actually admire that in you, but goddammit, if it doesn’t fucking suck right now. Why does it have to be this? Of all things, him. Jesus.”
“Because I know he’s a good person with a lot to give. He’s a really good and caring friend! I want you to have a friend like that.”
“He’s not a good friend at all.”
“You don’t believe that.”
Laith glanced off to the left, very close to rolling his eyes again. His lips pursed with resignation.
Not too long after the call, a soft knock announced Hwan’s arrival. Theodore sprung up to his feet and rushed to answer, while Laith took his time getting up from the floor, begrudgingly so.
A smile graced Hwan’s features, warm in his eyes. He stepped into the apartment and gave Theodore a big hug, so tight that he could’ve swept Theodore right off his feet if he wanted to, carrying him like a long-lost part of himself. That was the hug Theodore had expected last weekend, only possible away from Marquis, as if showing this much affection for a friend wasn’t right. Theodore didn’t think Marquis would’ve had a problem with it, but then, he didn’t know Marquis very well. It could be that now, after Hwan and Theodore had spent time together without him, a hug like this would be seen as a problem. Weirdly, that gave him hope. He didn’t want to steal Hwan away, but he also—kind of—totally did. The way his lungs expanded and his heart soared kept him from feeling bad about it, because winning always felt good.
As Hwan loosened the hold and put some space between them, Theodore glanced up to see he’d already caught Laith’s attention, eyes glued on his face. Laith seemed totally unbothered by the hug, holding the stare just as intensely. None of the jealousy from only a couple of weeks ago was there anymore. While Theodore had liked it at the time, this was better; Laith trusted him so much that his friendship with Hwan no longer threatened their relationship. He’d played by the rules, after all; when Laith had made them exclusive, he’d stopped fooling around with Hwan. It was that simple.
Hwan crossed the room toward Laith, but still left a good five feet between them; not too close, not too far. Respectfully present. He wanted to get closer; his feet shuffled and his hands twitched, but ultimately, he stopped himself. Still perfectly nonchalant, Laith sipped on his drink, watching Hwan over the rim.
“I don’t know how to go about this,” Hwan confessed. “I’ve never had to…” Both hands came up for an empty gesture.
Laith quietly brought his glass back down. There was no malice in his eyes, no sharp edges; if anything, they almost seemed sorrowful. His arm stretched all the way down, glass loosely held by his fingertips. He seemed done with it, even though there was still a little left.
Hwan stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Do you think it’s possible for us to go back to the way we used to be?”
A careless shrug bounced Laith’s shoulders. Other than that, no answer came.
“I’m asking because, ever since last week, I’ve been thinking about you and… I’ve come to realize I’m much closer to who I used to be than who I was two weeks ago—does that make any sense?”
“No.”
Hwan shuffled awkwardly. His boots practically made no sound on the hardwood floor. “I think I could like you again. I think I could feel the same tenderness I used to feel for you if given enough time. If you—if you want me in your life again.”
“Do you want me in yours?”
“Yeah. Yes. I want to like you. I want…” Hwan swallowed, “my best friend back.”
Laith’s eyebrows quirked with a brief flash of pain. “He doesn’t exist anymore.”
“I think he does,” Hwan challenged. “I think he’s somewhere inside you.”
Green eyes dropped to the space between them, unable to hold the stare any longer. A swift movement brought the glass up to knock back what was left in it.
“Remember when we used to sneak out at night and meet up at the lake?” Hwan’s voice was quieter now, soft with sentiment. “We’d spend all day together, but we still couldn’t be apart for a single night. Qasim had to work, so we’d walk him all the way to N/A and back, even though he’d never wanted us to. Remember that?”
“Of course I remember.”
“Well, maybe we could start sneaking out again? We could meet up after work whenever you feel like it. I’ll take you to the Cod-dling Cots for a drink or two.”
“I’m not going there.”
“Alright, then maybe you’ll take me somewhere around here. I don’t know your turf very well.”
The way Laith straightened up, careless, eyes turned toward the ceiling, gave the distinct impression he was annoyed and done with the topic. He took the half-empty bottle of Jack and poured himself another glass. “Yeah, I’ll think about it,” he mumbled, less than riveted. “Are you done or is there more to say?”
“Um, I guess I’m done. I just wanted you to know how I felt about all this and, um… how it’s been affecting me, I guess.”
“Message received.” Laith brought the glass up for another one of his famously large sips.
“Have you given it any thought?” Hwan asked.
“Nope. Last week hasn’t affected me at all.”
A slow nod bobbed Hwan’s head. “Okay.” His feet moved hesitantly, turning him in a way that put him between Theodore and Laith, able to see either of them with a brief turn of the head. He found Theodore’s eyes next. “You’re invited too, of course. You’re the one who made this happen, after all.”
As Theodore parted his lips to answer, he noticed Laith glancing over at him, out of Hwan’s field of vision. There was something on his face, an emotion so subtle that Theodore couldn’t even tell what it was or how it’d affected his features; if it’d moved his eyebrows or quirked his lips at all. While he looked the same, there was definitely something different about him; Theodore just couldn’t put a finger on it. Did he not want Theodore involved in this reconciliation? No, his eyes were too soft for that, almost pleading for the opposite. When his eyebrows quirked up, Theodore was finally able to read what it was—expectation. He wanted Theodore to come along.
“Thank you.” He grinned. “I think it’ll be really fun. You guys can tell me all the stuff you used to do together.”
Hwan smiled.
“How’s tomorrow?” Theodore suggested.
He knew Hwan’s request had been deliberately done that way to avoid corralling Laith into an uncomfortable situation he might not be ready for yet, but Theodore felt differently about things. He found that pressuring Laith into making a decision quickly worked better than the opposite. Otherwise, he’d never make a move at all. His question put a shrug on Hwan’s shoulders and dread on Laith’s face.
“I could do tomorrow,” Hwan told him. “Any time after three is good for me.”
“Three in the morning?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
The two very pointedly glanced at Laith next, waiting on his response. His eyes bounced from one to the other, once again boxed in. “I don’t even know if I want this yet.” Except he did; he just didn’t want Hwan to know it yet. This was the second time he’d hidden his eagerness. Was he afraid it’d embarrass him or did he just want the upper hand? It seemed like a mixture of both.
Hwan nodded. “Well, let me know, then. Do you still have my number?”
“Nope.”
“Then Theo can text me.”
Laith shrugged again, careless just for show.
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