Candor
When he knocked on Aiden’s door this time, he wasn’t home. Had Aiden been going out all along, returning before checks? They were scheduled. While that was a possibility, the books and letters in his vicinity were good proof of the contrary, so this might be a first. It took Nathaniel a few minutes of standing around to come to terms with that. Barging in wasn't an option, so he left the porch for the bird bath nearby, where his hand could touch the water and show Aiden’s location on its surface: the museum down the hill, in the hustle and bustle of town. Interesting. Was Aiden a man of culture or was this just part of his research? Pulling his hand out of the basin, Nathaniel took flight.
The museum downtown was something of a masterpiece that a few of the best architects had put together over the years, a grand exhibit of Paradise’s history as recounted by a group of its greatest artists. The statues and paintings on display depicted cherry-picked scenes of victory and despair, from battleground glory to the loss of celestial life; politics, peace and the perfect order. It was strange to be down here, surrounded by parts of history he'd not only lived through but made; his likeness on massive canvases, his face on statues, a hero with a wreath on his head and blood on his armor, Paradise’s guardian angel. It was the first time he'd visited after the Great Expunging; he was allowed a little pride. Rows of his own face looked back at him, humans recognizing him as he walked past.
In the bowels of the museum was a wide and spacious room where the largest paintings were displayed, as big as the front of a house, so massive that the human mind struggled to take them all in. Across one of the walls was a portrait of the army from around the time he'd joined it, when Zea was still beside him. The soldiers had been painted twice their real-life sizes, big enough to be seen from a good distance. Aiden stood directly in front of it.
“Why didn’t you tell me you’re in the military?” Aiden asked in lieu of a greeting, voice low and conversational, without bothering to even look at him.
“Of what use would that kind of knowledge be to you? This isn’t the battlefield and you’re not part of the board. We’re not discussing defensive measures and the safety of Paradise; our interactions relate solely to my position as a guardian angel, which is a civil one. I’m not a warrior on this side of the valley.”
Aiden turned to face him as he spoke, eyes up at his head, possibly aimed at his halo. “If you’re just like every other angel down here, then why do you still wear that wreath? What are you trying to say?”
His jaw set, blood running warmer. “It was a gift.”
“It’s a medal of honor that puts you above everybody else. If this isn’t the battlefield, then why do you still wear it?”
In silence, Nathaniel turned, glancing off at the marble floors that stretched across the room, the beige tiles and white walls, two stories high, with windows that lined the very top and allowed sunlight to shine in. There was something in his bloodstream that poisoned his veins and corroded his insides, closing his hands into fists, setting his jaw so strongly that his face hurt. The wreath had been a gift of parting, a reminder of who he really was. It showed prestige and rank to everybody else, sure, but that wasn’t what he saw when he looked in the mirror. It was the whole reason why he'd done what he'd done.
“It’s personal,” he admitted, keeping his eyes across the room.
“You clearly prioritize your military career over this. You have prestige on your head and you only spend like, five minutes on this side of the valley before going back to waging war and discussing security measures or whatever. You don’t give a shit about me.”
His eyes immediately found Aiden’s again, this time under a scowl. “That’s not true; I’m here because I care. I showed you around, taught you the ropes, gave you everything you could possibly want. How does that not translate to the fact that I care?”
“That only translates to you doing your job. Your secondary job and it shows, I mean, do you even know who I am? Do you know what I like? Because a huge empty house on top of a hill away from literally everybody else is the opposite of Paradise to me. I like crowds, dude; I like bars, and drinking, and dancing until I can barely fucking stand on my feet. I like doing shots and snorting lines and fucking the first hot guy in sight. I’m not some posh millionaire who self-isolates in the woods.” A scoff and Aiden shoved him on the chest just hard enough to stagger him where he stood. Even though his blood boiled and his arms shook, he offered Aiden no reaction. "What you’re giving me is worthless.”
“I asked you if you wanted to move downtown on the first fucking day. I asked you if you wanted to be closer to everybody else, but you said no. You said it was fine, and you’ve been so engrossed in your research, reading books and sending letters that I actually believed you. I thought you were fine up on that hill.”
A click of the tongue, an eye roll, and Aiden was legitimately starting to annoy him now. “Man, I was just trying to live the life that Paradise had in store for me, because I thought you guys knew best, but honestly, that's just not who I am. I gave it a decent shot, I think, but it’s just too lonely up there. I miss partying, getting drunk, and meeting new people. I miss being close to someone and touching them. I miss...” Aiden trailed off, taking a step closer to him, eyes down at his chest, or maybe lower on his torso; he couldn’t tell, but his heart skipped all the same, and the scowl on his forehead deepened.
“I miss kissing someone’s neck, breathing their cologne and feeling their body on mine,” Aiden whispered in the small space between them, two inches apart. A hand grazed him on the waist, softly, the ghost of a touch. It prompted him to grab Aiden’s wrist but not actually snatch it away. His heart raced, hand squeezing the arm in his hold—why did he want this?
Brown eyes glanced up, meeting his gaze at first, but dropping to stare at his mouth right after, one inch left between them. Aiden was surrounded by a rich and intoxicating scent; cedar wood, cardamom... burnt sugar? It made his lungs fill up and his head swim, heart fluttering to the base of his throat. The hold on Aiden's wrist tightened, struggling to push him away; every voice in his head screamed for him to do it, while every fiber of his being told him to pull Aiden closer. A shaky exhale and Aiden finally leaned in, forcing him to turn away and take a step back, all out of instinct; evasive measures that came as second nature.
“Don’t,” Nathaniel muttered, keeping his face to the side and a good three feet between them.
“Off limits, huh?” Aiden taunted. Nathaniel could easily picture the smirk on his face. “That’s exactly my type.”
Nathaniel turned around, chest in flames. “This isn’t a fucking game, Aiden; I’m responsible for you.”
“Are you responsible for getting me off too?”
Tutting, Nathaniel started off for the nearest exit. This was absolutely unacceptable.
“You should take that as a compliment, you know,” Aiden called, so loud that the humans in the room all gave them looks. “And don’t forget to get me an apartment downtown too.”
His blood boiled and his vision reddened, shoulders squared. Despite how much he wanted to deck Aiden in the face and close two hands around his neck, however, Nathaniel managed to breathe in deeply and leave the room. Better yet, he did it all without breaking any rules or compromising himself. A personal victory.
Since Aiden wasn’t happy with the house Nathaniel had meticulously curated for him over the course of three months, he’d get him something else. That was easy; he just had to find a cheap apartment across the street from every bar and club in town. No, even better, an address in the dark district where it was perpetually night and every street corner was filled with neon signs advertising sex and alcohol. Aiden was going to love that.
The moment he walked into the office, his team collectively turned around and gave him strange glances, because he wasn’t supposed to be here if everything had gone according to plan, except nothing had. Sio immediately got up from her seat and followed him into the conference room where a big map of Paradise showed the status of every residence, both in use and vacant. He just needed to check something really quick.
“Oh god, what is it?” she asked, as terrified as usual. “He hated the hill, didn’t he?”
“Yes, of course he did.”
“Oh, I knew it. From day one, I knew it. Oh, I should’ve told you! I should’ve said something!” she lamented, standing just a little off to his right, her voice like background noise in his brain.
It seemed that a couple of apartments in a low-rise building just off the main road were currently available, perfect contenders for Aiden’s cheap new home. A little bit bigger than a motel room, but passing for one all the same, just how he liked it.
“Do the lords know? Are we getting fired? Oh my god, we’re getting fired. I can’t believe I just got us all fired.”
“Sio, quiet down for a second. Can you do me a favor and check the furnishings and, just, the general state of apartments twenty-one and twenty-two on Maryland, please?”
“Maryland Street, in the dark district?”
“Yes. Those seem to be much more to Aiden’s liking than the hill.”
Quietly, Sio pulled some folders from the file cabinet and briefly went through them, a disgruntled look on her face. “Um… Honestly, sir, they don’t look very good. The wallpapers are old and torn, the carpets are water-stained and the furniture seems very uncomfortable, as far as I can tell.”
“Do you think we can fix it up a little bit before the end of the day?”
“We can try, but there’s no guarantee it will be very luxurious. We might need a couple more days for that.”
“No, we’re not aiming for luxury here; we’re going for livable. I’m thinking simple wallpapers, no carpets and a new set of furniture that looks affordable rather than bought on purpose, like something in between mass production and hand-me-downs. Can we do it?”
“We probably can, but… are you sure? I mean, he was extremely wealthy on Earth; do you think it’s prudent to downgrade his living conditions like that?”
“I think it’s what we should’ve done all along.”
Because the apartment was so small, two rooms and a bathroom, the renovations didn’t even take the whole day. The carpet was completely replaced with hardwood, the wallpaper was replaced with paint and the furniture was picked out from the public catalog that every resident had access to, rather than tailored specifically for Aiden. There were potted plants in the corner of the living room, a smart TV mounted on the wall, a big futon and some throwaway furniture pieces for decor. The kitchen was as simple as it could get, the bedroom was basically just a bed and a wardrobe and the bathroom didn’t even have space for a tub. All in all, Nathaniel considered it just perfect for the kind of person Aiden was and thanked his team when they were done. Since it was still early in the evening, he left to find Aiden.
According to the nearest fountain, Aiden was in a small motel downtown, not too far from the museum. A moment later, Nathaniel landed on the second-floor balcony directly before his room and knocked. Instead of getting the door, Aiden told him to come in, so he pushed it open just a gap, enough to see Aiden inside. When their eyes met, he motioned to the outside with his head. “C’mon, I have something to show you.”
“I’m busy.”
“Please, just come outside,” Nathaniel insisted, speaking through gritted teeth. Before Aiden could say anything else, he turned and walked away.
Over the balcony railing was a nice, open view of the street below. Humans walked up and down the sidewalk, cars drove past every once in a while. He took a deep breath in, lungs filled up to the brim, and exhaled slowly, trying to keep himself calm. Losing his head this fast would do him no good. Either of them, really.
As the breeze ruffled his hair, he listened to Aiden’s footfalls and the creaking of the door behind him. Suddenly, there was silence, suspicious, making him tense up. Before he could turn around, something touched the feathers on his left wing. When he turned, the wing naturally avoided Aiden, who was standing next to him now, eyes up at his face, fingers running through his feathers. Shoving Aiden away with that wing, he started for the stairs.
“You’re still pissy at me,” Aiden commented, making him roll his eyes in the privacy that walking ahead granted him. “Don’t get hung up on that stupid argument from earlier; I was being a total jackass. I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s fine.”
“Yeah, it doesn’t sound like it is, but I’m gonna let that slide so you can follow my example.” Absolutely infuriating, but following Aiden’s example anyway, he wasn’t going to let that get to him. “Where are we going?”
“To your new home. It’s in a district nearby that I think you’ll fit right into.”
“I’m interested to see who you think I am. That district is going to say a lot about you.”
“I’m just working with the description you gave me earlier, so if you find anything out of character, then unfortunately, that’ll be on you.”
“Funny how you talk to me like I can’t just send your boss a strongly worded letter about it.”
He wouldn’t dare.
“Aiden, you’re free to act however you want; I’m not one to judge. I’m just doing my job.”
“Yeah, that’s all this is.”
Under the flashing neon signs and the dull streetlights, humans walked back and forth, hair changing from pink to blue as they moved, skin shining with the words sex palace and love motel that flickered on and off up above; no eye contact, faces cast aside, arms crossed over their chests. Alcohol and drugs were perfectly legal in Paradise, as was everything and anything that humans could ever want, and because only the good ones ever made it up, the angels didn’t have to worry about them. The risk of an addiction, a hangover, or even a bad trip just didn’t exist, so people lived it up with no worries.
Over his shoulder, he saw Aiden looking around, watching people come and go, staring up at the signs that constantly invited him in for a good time, raising his eyebrows at them. Out of interest or surprise? Rounding the corner, they walked down a quieter sidewalk to stop at Aiden’s new apartment, a run-down place used mostly for one-night stands and shady business. Nothing that happened in the dark district was ever mentioned outside of it.
“This is it,” Nathaniel announced, pushing the front door open for Aiden. “Your home away from home.”
“Huh. You think I’m a whore,” Aiden commented, giving him a brief look before walking in.
“No, I don’t think that—I know it.”
A glance over the shoulder allowed him to see the delighted smirk on Aiden’s face. It didn’t occur to him then that he'd never called someone names before, cordially or not, lost in the adrenaline that Aiden’s good humor had brought him.
“You sound like my ex,” Aiden observed, voice light, amused.
“Which one?”
That got a scoff from him, warm, in lieu of laughter as they both took the stairs up to the second floor.
There wasn’t much for Aiden to be impressed by in this new apartment, so his complete indifference toward it all was entirely justifiable and already expected this time around. The little effort put into it made it so Aiden’s thanklessness didn’t immediately annoy him, but still made him wish he hadn’t taken the time to bother his team in the first place. Clearly, if he didn’t care, then Aiden’s behavior wouldn’t get to him, but also, if he didn’t do his job, he’d lose it, and that was the only thing that kept him sane in the quiet that came after battle.
Leaning against the door frame, he watched Aiden place the envelopes from before on the kitchen island and glance around a little bit, at the cabinets that hung over the counters and old appliances. “Well?” he asked, a jerk move to tease Aiden and pay him back for earlier. It seemed Aiden just brought out the worst in him, and getting pushed around too much ended up prompting him to do the same in return. “What do you think? Is this the perfect place for a bachelor with a drinking problem or am I finally losing my mind?”
Aiden turned to look at him with a wide, delighted smirk on his face. “You know what? I think you nailed it, man. The futon speaks volumes; it’s like you know I won’t make it to the bedroom before passing out. I wonder if it takes one to know one.”
“It takes a study group and a public lecture to know you, my friend.”
Snorted out laughter from Aiden. He didn’t immediately say anything back like he normally would, and instead glanced Nathaniel down in a way that set his blood on fire, heart racing in his chest, hammering it with flashbacks of what they used to do together, how things used to go from here; the look, the smirk and the subsequent hands on his body, face warm, stomach burning. His throat closed—it was definitely time to go—but he still refused to move, leaning against the door frame with both arms crossed over his chest, watching Aiden study him like predator to prey. He shivered.
“Why don’t you come in? I’ll grab us both a couple of drinks and you can tell me what it’s like being an angel.” Voice sweet on purpose, with an endearing little tilt intended to charm him, but the fire in Aiden’s eyes gave him straight away and the smirk that tugged on his lips killed any possible innocence from the invitation. Despite the drive in Nathaniel’s core, he knew he shouldn’t.
“I thought you wanted to check out the bars and clubs just down the street. Isn’t that why you wanted to move so bad? Why I broke my back to get you this place so fast?”
“Listen, I appreciate your efforts; I really do, but you’re not giving me a chance to pay you back here,” Aiden admitted, low and velvety to persuade, followed by an adorable little tilt of the head that made the curls on top bounce, falling over his forehead a bit. “I can go out and party anytime, but I only have you for about five minutes a day; I gotta make the most of it. Can you blame me?”
“Cute how you think you have me when I’m only here out of complete obligation.” His voice was harsh on purpose, stern in an attempt to dissuade Aiden from pursuing this train of thought any further, although only semi-committed, because he couldn’t exactly mean what he didn’t believe in.
“Then maybe we could change that,” Aiden tried, disingenuous and coy, accompanied by a loose shrug. “I could give you the best time of your life.”
A hard swallow, heart punching him in the ribs. The worst part was that he knew it was true.
“Aiden, I’m never going to fuck you.” With that, he pushed himself off the door frame and turned to leave.
Admittedly, when he walked into his house later that night, he did not expect to see Charmaine waiting for him. In retrospect, had he been able to see the lights from outside, he would definitely have known something was up, but the plants on the side of the mountain had begun to cover up his windows again, which made a trimming completely overdue at this point. She sat in the armchair with a leg crossed over the other. The skirt of her dress fell in beautiful folds around her, like the petals of a rose. Their eyes met as soon as he opened the door, but she didn’t say anything right away, watching him shut the door behind himself while trying to keep cool. It was one of the most difficult things he'd ever experienced.
“Charmaine,” he started, voice level, conversational. “You’re here.”
“Do you know who called me in for a meeting today?” she asked, speaking over him like a freight train. Her head cocked to the side, long platinum hair spilling over a shoulder, falling to rest on her bosom. The slight scowl on her forehead and the stern tone of her voice weren’t new, but the fact she was in his house was worrying enough to make his blood run cold.
“The lords.”
“Lord Salus, specifically,” she remarked, speaking louder, far angrier than before. “Now guess why. Tell me who you think he wanted to talk about, in the privacy of my office, after every single angel had already seen him come to me.”
“Me.”
“You, and I’m sure you know exactly what was discussed, because you told him about it in your report.”
“I was afraid you’d—”
“I was going to handle it myself, Nathaniel. I was going to pull you aside and work on a plan of action together, but you didn’t even come in today.”
“I'm sorry, I—”
“For as much as your babysitting duties are reported directly to Salus and I have nothing to do with them, I still feel responsible for you. I practically brought you up. I trained you to become the legatus you are today. While this might be a moment of peace that we’re having, our work still isn’t done. I had demons calling me every day this past week, furious about the little stunt you pulled last time. Now, do you think I really need to hear about The Bleeding and how concerned it makes the board? As if I weren’t worried enough. I almost had Jean fetch you this afternoon, but Sio told me you were with them. Why?”
“Please, don’t send the mailman after me. We just had a bit of an issue with the house.”
“You mean the house you spent three entire months building for this guy.”
“Yes. It needed a small fix, so I rounded up the team and decided to take care of it before the human made a huge deal about it. He’s difficult. He’s… really difficult.”
Charmaine nodded slowly, lips pressed together to smear the red of her lipstick more evenly across them, even though it always looked perfect. It was her way of thinking things over, hands clasped above the skirt of her dress, fingers interlaced. “So I’ve heard,” she commented, blue eyes off to the corner of the room, still in thought.
“I’m sorry for not coming in today. I was going to; I wanted to talk to you about the whole bleeding situation, but then that happened and it threw me off completely.”
Charmaine got up from the armchair as he apologized, skirt rustling. The three halos over her head cast a golden glow on the white of her hair, a stark contrast against the warmth of her skin. Blue eyes, icy and cold, watched him perfectly impassive, on a porcelain face so beautiful it looked painted on.
“Salus wants me to keep an eye on you more than I already do, so I’m going to ask you to come in every day and give me a quick rundown on The Bleeding and how it’s affecting you. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes, of course, but I don’t think it’s going to stick around for too much longer; it’s already looking much better than it did yesterday.” He hiked his shirt sleeve up a bit to show off some of the redness that had begun to fade. Slowly, very slowly, but the process had started. Her three thin eyes regarded it, halos moving over her head.
“Have you tried the waterfall?” she asked, glancing up to meet his face, eyes on the same level as his own.
“The waterfall erases sins, not memories.”
“Yes, I’m perfectly aware of that, but isn’t it worth a shot?”
Hm.
“I guess it doesn’t hurt to try.”
White eyebrows bounced at him. Charmaine turned around, hovering quietly toward the door, the tail of her dress dragging behind her, sweeping the hardwood floor. Standing still in the middle of the room, he watched her touch the doorknob, but not actually pull the door open, halting her exit for a moment. She turned to look at him.
“How difficult is Mr. Aiden exactly?”
“Possibly the most difficult human soul I’ve ever dealt with.”
A soft hum, thoughtful. “Make sure he knows who’s in charge, then,” she advised, voice light, almost sweet. “Show him what discipline looks like in the military.”
Subserviently, he nodded. “You have my word.”
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