Nadia's slumber party
A hybrid can withstand these things
My heart can beat with bricks and strings
-- Lady Gaga, ARTPOP
The camping trip was all he could think about every second of every minute. Mostly, he thought about Laith, and every time he did, his chest filled with a warm feeling that almost put a smile on his face; memories of the lunch they’d had together and how peaceful it’d been, Laith drinking next to him, not being manic despite what Emily had said. His black shorts with the neon orange strings riding up his leg, vetiver leaves in the air. How Laith was the only genuine person in that entire group, telling Theodore about the Alvorada and answering his questions. It was clear, from the amount of time they’d spent together, that Laith didn’t need Ryan to “keep him in line.” The only time he’d acted out was in the lake, but Theodore had asked him to do it and he’d watched Theodore all night afterwards.
He very often wondered what Laith had been up to but stopped going to his brother’s room to ask. Every time he saw Ryan now, bitterness burned through his stomach. He heard Ryan come in at night and wondered how he’d been to Laith that day; the things he’d said, the things he’d done—if Laith had liked them. Justin seemed set on the idea that there was something going on between them, but Theodore really hoped he was wrong. It just didn’t sit right with him.
Every new school year that started soon became worse than the last. His experience with high school so far had only degraded over time and junior year was no exception. As students got older, the more repugnant locker room talk became and the less interested he was in his friends’ dating lives. Both Hannah and Nadia had had flings over the summer and would not stop talking about them, much to his and Daisy’s collective dismay. Their first kisses had been wildly different from what he’d experienced with Daisy. Ever since Jessie and Kyle had broken up, she’d also started hanging out with the girls and would sit at their table on occasion. She was the only one who didn’t talk about boys, so having her over was a breath of fresh air.
It occurred to him that Jessie might know what the word alvorada meant. The assumption that she knew Spanish hadn’t come from her family’s Argentinian roots, but because she said certain words, like chimichurri and chili con carne in a very distinct accent. Both things combined prompted him to ask and the look she gave him made him feel like an absolute idiot. Very kindly, she informed him that wasn’t Spanish, but probably Portuguese. A quick online search confirmed her suspicions. Apparently, alvorada meant dawn in Portuguese, but why? How was that relevant to rats that barely ever saw the light of day?
He didn’t suppose she knew what the word Gorgon meant either, since he was fairly certain that not many people out there knew Latin. Jessie was quick to inform him that was actually Greek, and if she remembered correctly, Gorgons were a type of mythical creature. For as well as they did in History class, they still had to look that up. As it turned out, Medusa wasn’t the only one with snakes for hair and a face that turned men into stone, but she had two other sisters who could do the same thing, and that group of creatures were called Gorgons.
After all that research, Theodore was pretty sure rats just picked whatever words sounded cool to name things. Laith could tell him more about it, if he ever got the chance to ask.
Every now and then, he thought about Christie and what she was like. What had she seen in Ryan, and had it ultimately disappointed her in the end? Had she done the breaking up, or was Ryan really into someone else now, different and more exciting? Theodore could’ve run into her on the street and never even know it. Their parents were still under the impression that Ryan had never been in a relationship. Was he still a virgin? Probably not. Their family didn’t talk about that and Theodore would never ask. He didn’t want to know.
When the holidays came and went, the girls’ stories changed. They were no longer interested in kissing Jack or touching Donovan’s chest hair—they’d had sex. The revelation was a bomb shell; three pairs of eyes widened over lunch, food forgotten. Nadia had met someone two towns over and slept with him that same night, while Hannah had hooked up with Donovan just before he’d left for Christmas break. Both of their first times had been extremely different, and the more details they shared, the more they pulled Theodore in.
It’d been hot, like fire in their chests. Completely unaware of where the rest of the night would take them, everything had been a surprise. The descriptions were curious enough to make him want to try it. He had no one to do that with, and would die before asking, but he still thought about it, like he thought about everything else. Sleeping with one of the girls… could be nice; the softness of their bodies under his hands, warm in his arms. If someone were there with him, it’d feel less awkward, right? Even if they didn’t know what they were doing; the fact that they weren’t alone or hiding from the world should be enough to make it feel right. He wouldn’t know until he tried, and almost brought it up with Daisy, but her complete disdain for boys pushed him to scrap that one. Instead of asking, he said something else.
“You know, maybe you just like girls.”
That comment doubled the size of her eyes, pencil dropping onto her textbook. Her shock froze his blood. “What?” she asked, her voice barely there.
“I mean… you just don’t seem to like boys very much, so maybe you like girls instead.”
She swallowed dry. “Don’t say that, okay?” she whispered, eyes glancing off at the open doorway. “Our moms—”
“I know.” His heart raced. “I’m sorry.”
She nodded, hand moving down to pick up the pencil, eyes on the textbook. “You’re right, just… keep it to yourself, okay?”
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
They never spoke of that again, but every time they saw each other, a knowing glance was shared. He’d known Daisy for most of his life, and while he couldn’t exactly call her his best friend, she still meant more to him than the other students. She’d never said anything else about it, what kind of girls she liked or if she had a crush on anyone, but the weight of that secret made him feel important. Daisy had chosen him out of the entire school and that meant something. He wondered if he could tell her of his feelings for boys. He didn’t think he was gay, because he liked girls, or at least he didn’t know if he didn’t like girls. They appeared in his thoughts sometimes, but always accompanied by a guy, so maybe he just liked both. Maybe he’d only really know if he tried both.
When summer came around, he decided not to spend it with his parents so much, but to see his friends more. Nadia usually had slumber parties at her house, except her parents didn’t let her invite boys, so Theodore had never been able to go. This year though, they decided to spend a couple of days at the beach, so she threw the slumber party, inviting him too. Of course, to his parents, he said it was all in the clear. With some clothes in a bag, he crossed the cul-de-sac to her house.
The evening began with some music and a quick game of Never Have I Ever, which wasn’t extremely eye-opening, since they already knew everything about each other. Actually, Theodore knew a lot about them, but they didn’t seem to know much about him. A couple of rounds later, it became evident that the questions were tailored specifically for him. Never have I ever been with a girl. Never have I ever kissed a boy. Never have I ever had a crush on the baseball team. Never have I ever fooled around in the locker room. Never have I ever dated a friend. When they realized he’d done absolutely nothing with his life, they moved on to something else.
Nadia brought a very fancy bottle of brandy from the kitchen, letting the group take turns drinking from it. Brandy burned ten times worse than beer, screwing Theodore’s face up as it traveled down his throat, a terribly bitter aftertaste. Everybody else had the same reaction. The brandy’s effects were practically instantaneous; his body grew warm under the collar and the room began to sway, especially when he moved his head. It was now time for the real game to begin: truth or dare.
Every time Theodore chose truth, they asked him extremely embarrassing questions. He wondered if they were trying to mess with him, but their sincerity made it clear that they were just curious. Their bodies were fundamentally different after all, and for as much as he didn’t know what they went through, they also didn’t know how he worked, so he told them what he knew. Admittedly, it wasn’t a lot, but it was more than what they had—nothing. In turn, he asked them about girl stuff, and for as weird as it was, that evening turned out to be very educational. He’d still never know what cramps felt like, but now he knew not to make jokes about them.
The dares were wild, and with brandy warming up his veins, he did everything they asked. At Jessie’s request, he twerked, or did his best at it, making them laugh. He put on one of Nadia’s skirts and pranced around the room. As Britney Spears played, he gave them his best schoolgirl performance, hiking up the skirt and all, which they loved. He let Nadia paint his nails and Daisy do his makeup, and as the room spun, he gave Hannah a striptease, where he made a big deal about taking off the skirt and throwing it at her.
The entire evening was insane, like nothing he’d ever done before. Even with his brother’s friends, he hadn’t acted this unhinged.
As the night progressed, the crazy antics died down a bit, and their conversations became a little more serious. Most of the girls in the group had been with boys before, but as they’d mentioned, they hadn’t driven the night themselves, only let the boys do it, and the reason for that was because they didn’t know what to do. They had no experience. Stupidly, Theodore agreed, saying that he didn’t know a single thing either. They brushed that off and asked him for tips anyway; what could they do to impress a guy and make him hot? The question blew a fuse in his brain. The first thing that came to him was that one video he’d watched so many years ago, and the word blowjob came flying out of his mouth. It widened the group’s eyes, already hooked.
“Well?” Nadia asked, a cautious tone in her voice. “Are there any techniques you can tell us about? Like, things boys like during one?”
He blinked, head empty. “I don’t know what to tell you; I’ve never gotten one.”
Glances were exchanged, curious and excited. Before he could figure out what was happening, Jessie said she’d do it. The altered state of his mind almost didn’t catch that. Wait, she’d blow him? Yeah, she’d blow him. Shit, okay. Nadia showed them to the bathroom and closed the door.
Jessie stared at him with big, expecting eyes.
“What?” he asked, blood warm in his veins.
She motioned vaguely. “What do I do?”
His heart raced, a heavy pounding against his ribs. “Okay, uh. Just do what you want, and um, I’ll tell you, you know, how you’re doing.”
“Alright.”
Her hands found the front of his pants and undid the button there, pausing for a moment, eyes up at his face. He nodded, so she continued, pulling both pants and boxers down his thighs. Petrified and barely breathing, he watched her kneel down and take him in.
Everything was simultaneously the best and also most embarrassing thing he’d ever done. Jessie was fine; she gave it her all and was willing to listen, but he didn’t know what to tell her. Most of the things she did were good, but some were kind of weird, yet he couldn’t communicate that to her. There weren’t enough words in his vocabulary to explain what he wanted, and every time he tried saying anything, none of his thoughts came out in a comprehensive manner; it just made her stop what she’d been doing, which was the opposite of what he’d been trying to communicate in the first place.
It was awkward and badly coordinated, but he still came. She hated that he did it on her hair, and as soon as they were done, pushed him aside to use the sink. That was fair enough. Pulling his pants up, he apologized and left.
The other girls stood in the kitchen, giggling. Their eyes shone when he came out, questions flying from every direction, desperate to know how it’d been. Very genuinely, he said it’d been a mess but also kind of nice. They wanted more details, but he’d leave that to Jessie.
When Jessie came back, the girls hounded her next. She shrugged a dozen times, and much to her friends’ disappointment, concluded nothing. Eventually, they gave up trying and decided to watch a movie, some animated love story. It wasn’t super interesting, and soon enough, the group had fallen asleep.
The next morning, while Theodore had some water, Jessie came in and apologized. She said she got frustrated last night and shouldn’t have taken it out on him, that the hair thing wasn’t even a big deal. He reassured her everything was fine; he didn’t think anything negative about her at all. Smiling, she pulled him into a hug. The air around her was rich with apples and cinnamon, her hair a soft plume against his face. He briefly entertained the idea of developing feelings for her. One day, they could even date. It’d make his mother very happy.
When he got home—after wiping all the makeup from his face and removing any trace of nail polish from his hands—his mother asked how the party had gone. He told her about all the fun things they’d done, leaving out the sex talk. Excited, he almost even told her about Jessie, confessions bubbling up in his throat, but couldn’t find it in himself to do it; they weren’t actually together. His mother probably wouldn’t want to hear about how they’d fooled around without forming a relationship first.
She continued to watch him with an expectant look on her face, waiting for something else. Jessie’s name almost came out, but he managed to swallow it down, grinning disingenuously. “Is that all?” she asked, nicer than usual.
“Yeah, that’s all.”
Her head cocked aside, smile faltering. “You spent the night with four girls your age and nothing happened.”
He shrugged, keeping quiet.
The corners of her mouth quirked. “You know, it’s okay to tell me if you did something you feel like you shouldn’t have. I won’t be mad.”
He stared at her, heart beating fast. Nothing came out of his mouth.
“Don’t you like any of them?” she tried again.
“I don’t know yet.”
Her lip trembled. “What about your baseball teammates?” The question sounded as if it’d been squeezed through a very small hole. “Do you like any of them?”
The room darkened at the edges, breath coming in short. “Jessie…” The name slipped out of his mouth before he could catch it. It doubled the size of his mother’s eyes, smile widening on her face, genuine now.
“Do you like Jessie?”
“Maybe.” He took a step toward the stairs. “I’m gonna shower now.”
“Alright, sweetheart.” Her smile had never looked so terrifying.
Comments